We don’t love how students feel when they get rejection letters (or put on the waitlist!), but we do love Bill Murray. Remember: where you go to college doesn’t define you or the course of your life. Rejection stings, but it will pass, and you will move on. Don’t forget to take time to enjoy your last few months of high school, and look forward to wherever you might be heading this fall.
Some colleges and universities just can’t admit all of the students they’d like to in regular decision. The result? Often, placement on the waitlist. Getting admitted from the waitlist is not easy, but it is possible at some schools.
After accepting a spot on the WL, many students just “sit” there—rarely do students continue to communicate with the school and go above and beyond in showing them they are their number one choice. The “sitting” method makes sense for many students, and especially students at schools that take very few students from the WL. But, for students who want to increase their likelihood of being admitted, “working” the waitlist can do exactly that—work!
Before getting busy implementing waitlist strategies, it is important that students deposit at their current top choice school (so a school where they have been admitted), and get excited about the prospect of attending. They should take advantage of admitted student days and other events that help students connect with their potential future classmates, including joining Class of 2022 Facebook groups. These forums are often very informative and fun and can help students take their minds off their waitlist status.
I also suggest getting familiar with the available waitlist data. How many students are offered spots on the WL? How many accept their spot, and more importantly, how many does school X ultimately admit? Some of these numbers are dismal, but it is best to know what you are up against rather than sit hopefully in the dark. Look at the Common Data Set first (http://www.commondataset.org/). College Kickstart also provides very useful waitlist data from many top institutions and presents it clearly and concisely, typically in tables.
Once a student has accepted their spot on the WL, deposited elsewhere, and familiarized themselves with the waitlist data, I suggest considering the strategies below. Not all of them here are new, but some of my students have tested the ones that are a bit outside of the box, and they work!
Consider the following strategies in addition to the tried and true tips above:
I’m often asked if I think doing everything on this list is too much, and I do not—all of these strategies are acceptable forms of demonstrating interest even when combined. Accepting your spot on the WL is a standard, required communication. Sending a waitlist letter, and even a follow-up email after a few weeks if a student has something additional to add that is worthy of sending (for example, an award at school, National Merit, a promotion at work, or admission to a selective internship/summer program) is not communication overkill. When a counselor calls a school on the student’s behalf to advocate for them or helps them have an extra letter of support sent, it’s not viewed as bothering the school. Even if a student shows up on a campus visit and drops by admissions and says hello, they are not going to get penalized.
Now… showing up and begging, pleading, showering everyone in the office with gifts, staying for two hours until someone will meet with them, or other over the top gimmicks or antics would be looked down upon, so make sure students know this type of behavior is not appreciated or welcomed. Ultimately, students should look back on being waitlisted and feel like they gave it their best shot!
More questions about the WL? Email us!
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March. Quite the month for many students, parents, and counselors.
Alongside excitement, there is often a good amount of disappointment, frustration, anger, and confusion. Many of these feelings stem from rejections or waitlist responses from our country’s most selective schools. But did you know: there are thousands of colleges in the U.S., and the vast majority of them accept far more applicants than they reject? There are just so many fantastic schools that fly under the radar and not only those on the CTCL list, either. I hope that in the future more students and parents will look beyond the schools with the most significant brand recognition and prestige as they craft their college lists. In fact, they are going to have to if you look at this years admit rates. I think that is a good thing.
In addition to considering other colleges, I also hope students can take some time to reflect back on their college application process and see the positives—personal growth, self-actualization, maybe even becoming a better writer—in light of rejections or other perceived failures.
Just making it through high school today is no joke, so I suggest starting there! The students I work with are so accomplished, every single one of them, and they have a lot to feel proud of every day. Sometimes it just takes some honest reflection to see and internalize all of the good that is already in your life. Second, where you go to college does not determine your happiness, your success in life, or set your future path in stone. This has been true since before Frank Bruni told us so. What is more important is much more personal—like how hard you work and how you treat others. To me, that is what will take you far in life. Third, I suggest practicing gratitude during this time, even though it may feel hard. Gratitude is a skill, so you must practice it. Lynn Goldberg at Tiny Buddha has some great tips for getting started:
Make gratitude a daily habit. Every day, jot down ten great things that happened to you or that you are grateful for. Keeping your focus on the positive will really make a difference.
The habit of being fully present and not wishing for something in the future or the past—but just being grateful for what is—can really shift your perspective. Catch yourself when that moment escapes you, and gently remind yourself to come back.
Become involved in a cause that is important to you. As you become aware of other people who are less fortunate than you, you will start to feel a deeper appreciation for what you do have. Many of us have so much.
Cultivate an appreciation for others and let them regularly know that you are grateful for them and for what they do for you—whether it be helping with homework or always inviting you out to do something fun. Focusing on the positive will make people want to keep doing it, and help you realize you should be doing the same.
When you find yourself focusing on what you believe you’re lacking—I wish my car were nicer, I had more money, or I got into a “better” college—replace it with thoughts of what you are thankful for.
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To all the college applicants out there who know where they are headed at the end of the summer, this advice applies to you, too. And to everyone else still waiting to hear, still waiting to decide, or who is going to tough it out on the WL this spring and into summer, stay positive and remember:
“Personal happiness lies in knowing that life is not a checklist of acquisition or achievement. Your qualifications are not your life.” (JK Rowling)
I will be posting more thoughts from Rowling about “failure” later this month, from one of my favorite tiny books, Very Good Lives: The Fringe Benefits of Failure and the Importance of Imagination.
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Some colleges and universities just can’t admit all of the students they’d like to in regular decision. The result? Often, placement on the waitlist. Getting admitted from a college waitlist is not easy, but it is possible at some schools.
After accepting a spot on the waitlist, many students just “sit” there—rarely do students continue to communicate with the school and go above and beyond in showing them they are their number one choice. The “sitting” method makes sense for many students, and especially students at schools that take very few students from the waitlist. But, for students who want to increase their likelihood of being admitted, “working” the waitlist can do exactly that—it can work.
Before getting busy implementing waitlist strategies, it is important that students deposit at their current top choice school (so a school where they have been admitted), and get excited about the prospect of attending. They should take advantage of admitted student days and other events that help students connect with their potential future classmates, including joining Class of 2022 Facebook groups. These forums are often very informative and fun and can help students take their minds off their waitlist status.
I also suggest getting familiar with the available college waitlist data. How many students at school X are offered spots on the waitlist? How many accept their spot, and more importantly, how many does school X ultimately admit? Some of these numbers are dismal, but it is best to know what you are up against rather than sit hopefully in the dark. Look at the Common Data Set first. College Kickstart also provides very useful waitlist data from many top institutions and presents it clearly and concisely, typically in tables.
Once a student has accepted their spot on the waitlist, deposited elsewhere, and familiarized themselves with the waitlist data, I suggest considering the seven strategies I outlined in a recent Grown and Flown article. Not all of them are new, but some of my students have tested the ones that are a bit outside of the box, with success.
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A site I follow, Hey Sigmund, recently posted a piece on mindfulness and why it is so popular, and it made me think about the importance of cultivating this practice in high school. You can read it here, and I suggest you do! Reading it also reminded me of an organization I admire, Mindful Schools. I took their Mindfulness Fundamentals class and really enjoyed it; they have great resources for educators and parents, too.
Anyway…I wrote the post below last year, but thought I would re-post as this topic is always in-season!
Since I’ve been practicing mindfulness for many years, I’ve enjoyed reading more about it everywhere from psychology journals to the wellness and lifestyle blogs I (embarrassingly) follow. If I can do it, I am certain anyone can, and it seems that everyone is.
What’s mindfulness? There are lots of variations of the definition, but I’ll use this one from UC Berkeley’s Great Good, The Science of a Meaningful Life website:
Mindfulness means maintaining a moment-by-moment awareness of our thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations, and surrounding environment.
Mindfulness also involves acceptance, meaning that we pay attention to our thoughts and feelings without judging them—without believing, for instance, that there’s a “right” or “wrong” way to think or feel in a given moment. When we practice mindfulness, our thoughts tune into what we’re sensing in the present moment rather than rehashing the past or imagining the future.
What I think is so extraordinary about mindfulness is that it can literally change your brain. Research has found that it increases the density of gray matter in the brain that is linked to learning, memory, emotion regulation, and empathy. Give this a listen:
Decreased stressed.
Less likely to respond to one’s own negative thinking.
Reduces risk of depression and anxiety.
Mindfulness is important because students today often feel all of these emotions and more—but especially stress, negative thinking, anxiety and sometimes even depression—during the college search and application process. It’s the ability to regulate these emotions, just to name one important benefit, that mindfulness supports. Mindfulness helps students not feel overwhelmed by difficult emotions and allows them to create space between emotions and responses so they can think first and then react. Over time, students become better listeners, feel more present, and less distracted.
Students can’t change everything that happens to them—from losing the big game to not doing well on an important test, and especially where they end up getting admitted or not getting admitted to college—but they can change the way they experience life’s ups and downs.
Contact us to talk about how mindfulness can help!
The college search doesn’t have to begin and end with the Ivies and the name brand schools. There are many schools out there to choose from—some known and some less known, all worthy of your attention. Here’s some advice for trying to find the school that works for you from Martha O’Connell, the executive director of Colleges That Change Lives.
1. Start with who you are and why you are going.
You need to examine yourself and your reasons for going to college before you start your search. Why, really, are you going? What are your abilities and strengths? What are your weaknesses? What do you want out of life—something tangible or intangible?
Are you socially self-sufficient or do you need warm, familial support? Talk with your family, friends and high-school counselors as you ask these questions. The people who know you best can help you the most with these important issues.
2. Size matters: Your college does not have to be bigger than your high school.
Most good liberal arts colleges have a population of fewer than 4,000 for a reason; college is a time to explore, and a smaller community is more conducive to internal exploration. It is not the number of people, but the people themselves and the kind of community in which you will learn that really matters. Many large universities have established honors colleges within the larger university for these same reasons.
3. A name-brand college will not guarantee your success.
Think about the people in your life who are happy and successful and find out where (and if) they went to college. Ask the same about famous people. You will likely find that success in life has less to do with the choice of college than with the experiences and opportunities encountered while in college, coupled with personal qualities and traits.
Employers and graduate schools are looking for outstanding skills and experience, not college pedigree. As you search for colleges, ask about student outcomes; you will find many colleges that outperform the Ivies and “name brands,” even though you may have never heard of them! Visit the National Survey of Student Engagement (NSSE)for help on sorting through the information and for great questions to ask when visiting and choosing a college.
4. You dont need to pick a major to pick a college.
Very few high-school students have enough information or experience to choose a major. You need the variety and depth of college coursework to determine your interest and aptitude. Most college students change their minds two or three times before they settle on a major, and they can still graduate in four years! Being undecided is a good thing and will leave you open to more academic experiences.
5. Dont be scared by the stories.
If you only pay attention to the headlines, you might start to believe that no one is getting in anywhere! The truth is that the majority of the colleges and universities in this country admit more students than they reject. If you’re worried about your chances of getting admitted—and you’re willing to investigate beyond the very narrow band of highly selective colleges—you’ll find that you have many options that will lead to a great fit for you.
Be informed about your academic profile and compare it to the profile of the most recently admitted and enrolled class for the colleges you are investigating. Check the college admission Web site for this information and contact them if you can’t find it. Ask your high school counselor for additional advice and guidance as it applies to your school.
6. You can afford to go to college.
If you make the assumption that you cannot afford college based on the sticker price of tuition, you will miss out. It is difficult to talk about money, but if you investigate all the options and ask for help and advice, you will find affordable choices. Online resources, as well as financial aid workshops sponsored by high schools in local communities, are widely available to get you started. College and university financial aid Web sites offer useful information and links as well. Investigate early and ask for help.
7. You dont have to go to college right away, and it’s never too late.
There is no such thing as the perfect time to start college. Some students benefit from a year off to work, study or travel, and these experiences allow them to be better, more engaged students. Some students choose to apply to college and gain admission and then defer their entrance, while others wait to apply until after they have had an alternative experience.
Either way, admissions officers will be anxious to learn about your experience during your time off, and they’ll ask you to write about it as part of your admissions process. High-school and college admission counselors can provide resources for investigating alternatives that may be right for you. You could apply for an internship, study abroad, or participate in a community service project.
8. The most important factor in choosing a college is fit.
Choosing a college because your friends are going there or because of where it ranks on a list does not take into account who you are and who you will become. College is a match to be made, not a prize to be won. Finding a good fit requires time and thoughtfulness.
Visiting college Web sites and learning about what events take place, who visits as guest speakers, and how to get in touch with current students and faculty is a good way to supplement a campus visit or to decide if you want to spend the time and money on a visit. Check a school’s Web site to find the admissions officer assigned to your region of the country. Send them an e-mail to ask about getting in touch with students from your area or identifying a few with interests similar to yours.
When you visit, try to build in time to sit in on classes, eat in the dining hall and hang around in the student center or other high-traffic areas. That will help you imagine yourself as part of the community. Talk to a few students and ask if they would make the same college choice if they had to do it again. Go back to the first item in this list as you consider the information youve collected about the colleges. You will have great options!
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Can you believe that this article is over TEN years old?!? Well, it is, and it’s more relevant than ever. Written by Martha O’Connell, the executive director of Colleges That Change Lives, an organization that helps students identify colleges that could be a good match for them—it’s a must read! Thank you, Martha.
Sophomores and freshmen! Here’s what you can be working on this month:
Just a few reminders for seniors this month!
• If you have any updates to send colleges (recent academic or extracurricular achievements, updated grades/test scores), please send them ASAP as the application process is winding down and final decisions are being made at this time.
If you know where you are headed next fall, congrats!
As graduation nears and high school comes to a close…enjoy yourself! Graduation signifies exciting new beginnings, but also change. Many of the people you are used to seeing every day at your high school are people you might not see often (or again in some cases), so make the most of spending time with these people (and your family!) the next few months.
The college process is in full swing! Here are a few things to have on your radar and work through this month:
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Although there are some hilarious truths to College Humor’s video, I still suggest visiting the schools on your list. Here are some suggestions for campus visits:
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